Gareth Southgate’s England team will host minnows San Marino on Thursday night as they embark on their qualification campain for Qatar 2022. The team from the tiny principality in North Italy are ranked 210th out of 210 by FIFA. Yes, football’s governing body officially regards San Marino as the worst team in the world (England are currently ranked 4th).

While it is difficult to see beyond a convincing home win on Thursday (England have beaten the Sammarinese side by at least five goals in their six games against them), there are a few facts that Southgate should keep top of mind to avoid any red faces.

That Record Breaking Goal

Anyone who recalls the end of Graham Taylor’s tenure as England manager will probably remember the embarrassing start to England’s away victory in San Marino on 17th November 1993.

England were on the brink of failing to qualify for the USA ’94 World Cup finals just four years after that dramatic penalty defeat to Germany in the semi-finals of Italia ’90. England’s final game was in Bologna, against San Marino but eyes were also on the game in Poznan between Poland and the Netherlands because that was where England’s destiny was likely to be decided. A win for the Poles would see England sneak through ahead of Dick Advocaat’s side. If the Dutch were victorious, England would be out.

But there was another scenario. If Poland managed to draw with the Dutch (as they had in Rotterdam a year earlier), England could qualify on goal difference IF they beat San Marino by eight goals or more.

If you don’t know what happened next, the start of this video should raise a chuckle!

In fact, it took 20 minutes for England to get on terms, through Paul Ince’s first international goal. Ian Wright scored four times as the Three Lions eventually ran out 7-1 winners but by the time Wrighty banged home number seven, it no longer mattered. There would be no Dutch disaster in Poznan because the Netherlands had wrapped up a 3-1 victory. There would be no World Cup finals for England.

Davide Gualtieri’s opener for San Marino was scored 8.3 seconds after kick-off making that goal the quickest in World Cup history until Belgium’s Christian Benteke managed to shave 0.2 seconds off with his opener against Gibralter in October 2016.

Unlikely Draws

Conceding an unlucky goal might be forgiven. Any team can have a lapse of concentration. But what if San Marino managed a draw against England? This is highly unlikely but despite their dismal record, San Marino have managed several draws against opponents who should really have wiped the floor with them. Take Turkey. In March 1993, in the same World Cup qualifying group mentioned above, San Marino held the Turks to a goalless draw. Although a draw against a side ranked outside the top 50 may not seem a big deal, Turkey did go on to beat Norway, who were then ranked 2nd in the world.

In October 2014, during the Euro 2016 qualifiers, England narrowly defeated Estonia 1-0 in Tallinn. A month later, Estonia were also held 0-0 by San Marino.

And on an interesting side note for Devon readers, one manager who knows exactly how damaging a draw against San Marino can be is Torquay United’s own Gary Johnson. He once spent a spell in charge of the Latvian national team. While Latvia are by no means a footballing superpower themselves, a 1-1 home draw against San Marino (the side’s first ever away point) was so humiliating that it proved to be Johnson’s last game in charge.

That game saw San Marino park the proverbial bus which brings me on to the third – and probably most important danger for Gareth and co.

Improvement at the Back

Anyone who has been following the progress of San Marino over the past couple of years will have noticed a huge reduction in cricket scorelines. In fact, you could almost say that the Sammarinese have become rather stingy at the back with their last heavy defeat a 5-0 reverse against Russia in November 2019. In their last four competitive matches, San Marino have conceded just three goals.

Granted, their opponents have been of the calibre of Gibraltar and Liechtenstein but having gone 256 minutes without conceding a goal, San Marino must be doing somnething right at the back. And you can bet San Marino will want to prove they can hold out against the big boys too.

But what does it matter if England take a while to bash down the door? Well, as we’ve already seen, goal difference and even goals scored can be critical when it comes to who makes the cut and who doesn’t. Even if England do post a comfortable win on Thursday, the actual goal tally could come back to haunt them when the final World Cup places are being decided.

So from freak goals to humiliating draws to coming up a couple of goals short on goals scored, Southgate has plenty to keep him and his team on their feet in Thursday’s Qatar 2022 opener.